I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Two words: nipple clamps
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
