Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
