Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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