i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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