Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
