hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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