I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
