i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
