I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
