GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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