I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
