If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
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Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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