Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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