somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
