i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
