I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Even the bartender felt bad for me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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