the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
