Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
