Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
