Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
