i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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