All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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