sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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