How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
