New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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