he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
