Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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