but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
