Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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