you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
