My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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