He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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