hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
