just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
