I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We have started to decorate penises.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
