id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
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I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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