STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she smelled like a LAN party
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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