Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
