My sheets look like a crime scene.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
