So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
