He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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