so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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