On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
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Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You pole danced in your parka.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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