Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
