Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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