In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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