What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Randomize
