He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
