Your mouth is God's brothel.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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