What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
