Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
