And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
