the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
