he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
