i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
