i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
whose parrot is this?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
