There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
