dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
