just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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