break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
