Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
