I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Who wears a wallet chain?!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Let's paint friendship bongs
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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