We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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