Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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